Carlys thoughts
by McCarly
Summary: Carlys thoughts about liz having Jasons baby.


Two weeks from now. Liz has found out that the baby really is Jason's. Jason has told Sonny, but Carly over herd and left before they realize it. Carly runs to the docks right into Lorenzo.

"Wow, there." Lorenzo holds Carly up to keep her from falling.

"Sorry." He looks down at her. She hasn't moved from the spot in his arms and yet she wouldn't look at him. She was not saying anything.

"What happen? What did Sonny do this time?"

"Sonny did do anything. It's nothing…I…its nothing."

"It's something. But I do believe it isn't Sonny. So what did Jason do?"

"Jason? Why…"

"Because I know you. Because when Sonny hurts you, you get mad. You don't shut down. And although Jax seems to make you happy, I don't think he has the power to shut you down. But I also know Jason dose. So what happened?"

"You aren't supposed to know me this well."

"We were married."

"I was crazy."

"And I know before that. I saw how you were with sonny and Jason. And believe it or not I know how you work. So?"

"You hate them."

"Yes, because they hurt you. And you love them."

"I hurt them…and you."

"I think on that part we can call a draw. You know I hate them and that I will kill them given the chance or reason, but this one time I will listen and you will talk and maybe instead of hurting you I can help."

"Promise me you won't use this against them."

"You have my word."

"Jason is having a baby. And he asked to mother to marry him. He forgave Sam. He …I…"

"He forgot about the past."

"Yes, I think he did. Or maybe it just didn't mean anything to him."

"If you wish to talk…"

"I know I have NO right to feel the way I do but I can't seem to help it. I just, I wish he could see… A long time ago we did love each other. It was messy and small moments but it was real and alive. We both fought it in our own ways. Him by pushing me away, out of fear, and I fought him by making it hard for him to trust me. One night I thought that I would give him all the reasons to trust me, but than I saw him dancing…and I slept with someone else."

"Sonny."

"Yes. And he never forgave me. He said he did but he shut him self off from me. I could touch him anymore. He pushed me to Sonny and left with out a good bye. After that moment he stopped seeing me."

"What did he see if it wasn't you?"

"He saw the mistakes, the hurt. It was like the love didn't matter. How he hurt me didn't matter. We both made mistakes but…He told Robin the truth about Michael. My God he didn't have to tell her about AJ. He could have got a DNA test. But no he wanted to run. But I knew he wasn't seeing into the further. So I came up with another way. But we know how that turned out. But he still loved me. But Sonny…He has hurt me so much but I am the one that always seems to be wrong. He has help Sonny take my kids, He lied to me. ME! I have stood by him and he can't even to the same. He forgives Sam for sleeping with the man that …He forgave her for the same thing that I did. But me I wasn't forgivable. He gets the woman that drove me to Sonny with child and he wants to marry her. Do the right thing. Right…"

"You love him. It was never Sonny was it?"

"I loved Sonny, I learned to love him."

"But you fell in love with Jason. With me it was everything that was happening. Jax trying to be free of all of us. But the truth is you love Jason more than all of us…it."

"Funny isn't it? I would kill you for Jason. I put Sonny in jail if it meant Jason would be free. I know it. Sonny knows it and now you do. Jason has known it from day one and still all of it means nothing."

"So now what?"

"I marry Jax and try once again to forget that the only man to ever see all of me can't love me."

"Has it worked yet?"

"No. But what else is there to do. I don't want to live and die alone. I am not made that way. I learned that you can't go back only forward, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt."

"hmmm, you would kill me?"

"Without blinking an eye. But I don't want to."

"Would you for Sonny?"

"I wouldn't have to."

"That wasn't my question."

"You know the answer, so I don't need to say it. Look thanks for letting me talk but I have to get back home to the boys."

"and Jax."

"hmmm, yea. And Jax"

Carly walked off the docks. Lorenzo stared out at the water. And hidden behind the shadows Jason felt water spill from his eyes at the truth.


End file.
